Dealing with Anxiety and Depression
Sometimes life becomes a little more than we can handle. I've never really tried to hide the fact that I have, at various times, had to battle with an anxiety disorder and some depression. The worst time being when my girlfriend broke up with me and I came down with a debilitating illness at the same time. But I've learned several things because of it. First off, I found out that I have more strength than I ever could have imagined. I also learned some great tools to deal with my out-of-control feelings. I'd like to share those with you.
- First off, admit that you're having a tough time. It's OK. EVERYONE gets depressed and anxious. Stop judging yourself. That will just make you feel worse. Accept it so you can deal with it. Tell yourself, "Regardless of whether or not it makes sense, I'm feeling XXXXXX and I want to do something about it".
- Get out of the house! It's so easy to just sit around and watch TV or drink alcohol or binge eat, but these things are just going to make you feel worse. Take a walk around the neighborhood. Or go to the mall where you can be around other people. Let yourself SEE that you aren't alone. There are other people out there. If it's sunny, go to the park and watch the kids play. The combination of sun and laughing children is pretty hard to beat.
- Start making a list of EVERY good thing in your life. Each time you have a depressing thought, write down 2 or 3 things that are GOOD in your life. For example, if you're having trouble letting go of a bad relationship, use this list to focus on things like a loving family, a nice house, maybe even a pretty flower you saw. Be minute in detail. Don't just write, "I have a good job" but something like, "My boss gave me a compliment today on how quickly I completed my last project".
- Start replacing junk thinking with good thinking. This is great for anxiety. When you start having some unpleasant worry ("She's seeing some other man") first STOP the thinking physically. I do this by pinching myself. I've heard other people mention putting a rubberband around their wrist and snapping it. The point is that it must cause a small amount of pain. (Please be careful with this... nothing that leaves a mark. I don't promote cutting or anything of that sort. Just enough to 'snap' you out of your thinking.) You might also want to verbalize. Say "Stop" as loudly as you can in the given situation. Then go back in your past to a similar situation to the one you are worried about, but a HAPPY one. Try to find a memory not related to this one. So if you're worried about your job, go back to a DIFFERENT job. If you're worried about your relationship, go back to a previous relationship. Focus on a specific memory. Close your eyes and try to recreate it as exactly as possible. What it felt and smelled and looked like. Once you've done that, try to project that situation into the future. Imagine yourself experiencing a similar situation like that again. As before, try not to relate it to your 'problem' situation. Imagine a 'new' partner or job or whatever. Each time you do this, you might not feel all the way better. But the effects are cumulative. The more you do it, the better you'll feel overall. And you might have to do it a LOT at first. I was doing it probably 30 times a day in the beginning. I didn't even realize how much negative junk I was feeding into my system.
- Finally, know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Someday you will be beyond these feelings and can go back to the self you used to know and love... the one that was calm and joyful. And never be too proud to ask for help... especially professional help. In fact, I recommend going to a professional BEFORE going to friends/family because if you start dumping on them you're just likely to drive them nuts, and they won't have any clue how to help you anyway. (Unless you happen to know a psychologist... in which case, have at it!)
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