Chapter 1

So here is the thing. All through this new experience I am having in Georgia, I keep seeing and encountering things that I would normally share with all of you but I can't possibly call everyone all the time and so one day I was thinking to myself---MAN! I should write a book!I WOULD BUY MY BOOK! Ha ha! So then this title popped into my head. This way I can share all of my funny stories and "learning experiences" with you. 1. Now here is my disclaimer; please do not take this to be a negative thing. I am very happy. I am very loved and very in love with my new little family. Some things here just really strike me as odd and as I go through them my humor about them is a little dry....but all of you know me well enough to know my humor always has been! So sit back and enjoy...have a laugh and know that I do plan for all of you to experience Georgia for yourselves at one point or another!!!

Expensive cars with no blinkers and playing Frogger

I think that most people would say that I am a good driver. I think that most people...especially my parents would say that I am a fast driver. I will have you know, that I am according to Georgia standards, like the 85 year old lady that you get behind on the freeway who is going 25 miles an hour and is completely unaware that this is a problem or that it is bothersome to others.

It is immediately evident when riding or driving in Georgia that people here are in a hurry....they drive fast....they brake fast (and riiiiight before they introduce themselves to the backseat of your car). I will give them this they are very efficient they make use of EVERY lane on the road, they must cross back and forth over all the lanes back and forth several times in one journey. This is where Frogger comes in. I have dubbed it as such because it is just like the old video game where the helpless little frog jumps from log to log to log trying to get to his destination without DYING! When driving here it seems to be an unspoken rule that if there is a car length in the other lane ahead of you, you MUST change lanes and take that spot going around the car you are currently behind. Now, here is the interesting part...you would THINK that if you are going to pass a car or make the effort to "Jump to the next log" that you would be doing so to gain distance towards your final destination. NO! Not the case. Because sure as day, once you are in that other lane you MUST then pass the car you were behind and bada boom bada bing you are yet another car length ahead back in the lane you started in.....this continues on and on and on. It happens on regular streets, it happens on freeways. There is an extra rule for freeways however. IF you have not been correctly playing Frogger and you find that you are not where you need to be when your exit of choice comes? Don't fret! All you have to do is pull a Hail Mary and fly Kamikaze style across ALL the lanes of traffic required to reach said exit! See? No problem! OH MY GOSH! Who am I kidding! I have actually found myself car sick on more than one occasion and that has never happened before and I have also taken to putting my head in my lap with my arms over my head and whimpering when I am just sure I am going to die! The last part of this chapter is the blinkers. A lot...for that matter most of the people in Georgia have newer cars. They could live in a dump but they have a really decent car. But I am really concerned that none of the cars sold in Georgia come with blinkers!!!!! &&&&&& Then again I guess our little froggy friend in the game didn't have blinkers built into his webbed feet so why should we have the luxury?

Okay I love you all I will write more later. Bye for now! Dad please print this off for momma so she can read it too.

Chapter 2

On Friday Rod and I had to make the drive up to Stone Mountain to where his mom lives. Rod needed to get the brakes done on the other car and his step dad "Knew someone" Personally that always makes me nervous, a little more so here because there seems to be this grand bartering and bargaining system they try to work off of. Luckily Rod works on the same one I do---set a price that is what you get! Anyway, we are getting off the topic. Stone Mountain is about 45 minutes from Kennesaw, where we live. It is a much rougher area. It is an older area and has a very diverse multi cultural population. I get a lot of funny looks up there and the looks get funnier when they see I am with Rod. It used to make me a uncomfortable now I just smile really big at them. "YES, I am white, and YES I am with this really black man and we are happy---thank you have a nice day!"

So, on this particular day we were taking a different route to kill some time before we met up with the "brake man". As we were driving down the road Rod started to laugh, and I asked him what was funny. He shook his head and said that he had just seen a sign advertising a place to "Rent a Rim" You know, the flashy kind you can get for your car? Yes, my friends apparently you can Rent your Rims when visiting Georgia! I can now say I have seen it all...

Green Arrow Hallucinations; in Washington and I am sure in other sane states we have green arrow lights to make left hand turns in busy intersections. This is a nice safety feature so that we don't DIE. Well apparently they were all for safety in Georgia too, because they DID install the lights. The problem that I have with them is that they are so quick that in reality 1 maybe 2 cars sometimes on a good day 3 cars can get through it...and that 3rd car is going through a yellow. But remember I am stuck in Georgia reality now (very similar to the twilight zone) so 3, 4 on a good day 6 cars will try to blaze through the arrow. If it turns red? No problem, they will just continue till they have gotten where they were trying to go. What? Red meant stop? OOOOHHH! I thought it meant HURRY! Go Faster!....Ahhh the south

Chapter 3

When you marry a person, you are not just marrying them. You quickly realize that you are marrying their family. ALL of their family. In some cases you get "associated" family or "pretend" family too. In my case I got a doozee! If you ever watched the old sitcom 227 you will understand. By marrying Rod I inherited an "associated" family member who is Jackie Harry reincarnated! She is very nice, don't get me wrong but I have to giggle to myself when I watch her. I like to make myself bets to see if I think she is more impressed with what she thinks people think of her or more impressed with what she thinks of herself. Her world I think would wear me out. It involves multiple costume changes...makeup changes and hair changes EVERY day. She came to my in laws house to eat beans and rice in a black suit with diamond bangle bracelets and diamond dangle earrings....and slippers. (Seriously?)

So anyway, on the beans and rice night she left and was headed home to get ready to "Go out for cocktails" (at the tender age of 49...this age to me says stay home and watch TV...but whatever) so no more than 5 minutes later she calls the house because her Mercedes (Of course it was a Mercedes) has broken down in the middle of the road and she needs help. So Rod went to go get her and brought her back to the house so that she could borrow a car and get home. She told us that she was going to the Mercedes dealership the next day to get a NEW Mercedes and was going to lease it so Rod told her about why this was a bad idea and all the money that you would have to put into it etc etc. She decided maybe he was right but wouldn't stand for his idea of buying one that was 2004 and would have smaller payments--and OLD model??? NEVER!

So as she flustered by me on her way out the door to go home I suggested that maybe she should get a Saturn Ion like Rod and I had because she could afford the payments on that and then if she still felt like she needed a little something extra she could add some of the spinner rims to it for some "Bling Bling". She "Hmphed" and told me how "funny" I was and left. I just don't understand why she didn't think that was a good idea............Bling Bling Baby!

The Peach

Chapter 4

So I have been telling some or most of you about some of the "gourmet fair" that they have here in the south.....My first real go round with it was on Christmas. I was a little nervous going to Rod's mothers house because I had never experienced a "southern" Christmas dinner and I was a little leery of having some "southern stomach trouble" after the occasion.

God must have been smiling down on me because most of the foods were things that I had seen or at least heard of. There were some bonus items on the menu....Cajun slaw. This is Rod's step dads creation that is basically really runny Cole slaw with hot sauce in it to make it "Cajun" They refer to it as "grown folks slaw" There were greens with large chunks of meat...I would elaborate but I am not sure what they were. Then came the big finale....in a HUGE corelle dish was this terrible gray watery looking "stuff" for lack of a better word. Chitlins....my god they are horrible. Tasting you ask? HECK NO those things were not coming anywhere near my mouth! A chitlin is pig intestine that you have to clean and then they boil them until they get really mooshy. Apparently then it is good eatin' to put it on Potato Salad and douse it with hot sauce. It is also apparently good fun to eat them plain with lots of hot sauce and ketchup. I think to really give you a good picture of this gourmet treat you must understand the sound effects that go with them....these particular chitlins (all 30 pounds) were sloshing around in water...so every time someone would lift up the spoon there would be a suction noise and a slosh as the slid off the spoon back into the water.....GROSE!

The next delicacy I have discovered here is instant grits...you know....like the individual packets of oatmeal that we eat? The normal maple and brown sugar and strawberries and cream? Well here they have individual packets of grits in scrumptious flavors like "grits and morning bacon" My lord who thinks of these things??

Love to you all talk with you soon!

The peach

Chapter 5

Okay so first I know that the majority of you are thinking what the HECK is "crunk"? Well I really can't help you hear, but I do know that it is a style of dance and I think that it is supposed to mean that you get crazy....I don't know but I really think that I should make up a word too...I used to get.....zamboo with that! Okay so anyway, I am experiencing my first "slumber party" with Chanel. Her best friend Tameris is here and I would just like to tell you all that slumber parties are SOOO different now than when I was little! First of all did you know that you can now go to one friends house and get on the phone and talk endlessly to a totally different friend while the friend you came to visit goes and watches TV in a different room, or something else? And this is considered okay...not rude, not strange, totally acceptable!

I came out of my room about 10 today and Chanel was up and watching TV but no Tameris. She said Tameris was asleep in the closet (because this was the darkest spot she could find to sleep in) and that she sleeps really late so it would be awhile before she was up. Well she wasn't kidding---sleeping beauty just woke up 10 minutes ago and it is 1:20pm! Now they are eating Ramen (now that I DO remember!) and talking about how "old" a song is and how they used to get "Crunk" to it when they were little. For those of you who are curious the song is called "Tootsie Roll" it was popular when I was a senior in high school so that means that they were.....lets see here THREE! Yes I am sure they were just Wild and crazy girls out seeing the world at that point! Oh man it is all I can do to not just fall over laughing! My last comment for this email is a complaint to my father---I am turning into you! I am going NUTS because at any given time of the day Chanel has HER TV on, OUR TV on, and has the computer blaring some sort of video or game (ask mom she heard Chanel blowing up the world this morning!) It is making me crazy I constantly go around turning things off or at the very least DOWN you would think the child is deaf...or maybe she IS going deaf from too many devices being on too loud all at the same time??? LOL I love her dearly I could just eat her up but good lord! I am in full swing of parental madness! = )

Love to you all!

The Peach!

Chapter 6

So I am sure most if not all of you have heard the song "Where the streets have no name" by U2. I love that song. I love it all the more because U2 especially the old stuff reminds me of my big brother. So the other day I was driving along thinking how much I despise the road signage here and that it makes no sense to me when that song came on. Several things happened to me at that moment. I felt compelled to open my sun roof (It was after all 66 degrees) sing loud with the song and ALMOST go the speed limit on the street I was on. (I said almost momma I will never be a Georgia lunatic). Then I got sad because as I said U2 reminds me of my big brother and I could drive for a lot of U2 songs but he would still be far away...That was a good driving day, I started to think MAYBE I can do this MAYBE I wont die on these roads! I won't be another news story of a traffic accident = )

However, then I had to go out today. Rod left today for Tampa with his all star team for a 4 day tournament and he thought it would be a GREAT idea if I drove promising me that it would be really easy and that it was a straight shot with no turns. So I drug my heels but finally agreed. We set off about the same time the thunder started and a light rain started to fall. Okay I am a Washington girl...I KNOW rain. I GET rain. I am partially COMPOSED of rain. Georgia doesn't even do THAT right! = ) Along we drive and I am white knuckling the steering wheel praying every angle available around me breathing like an asthmatic because these people can't drive for beans on dry straight well paved roads, how in the WORLD were the legally allowed out on WET roads?? Oh man if there isn't, someone SHOULD make a rule against that! So Rod was right it was a straight shot to the Cumberland Mall where he needed to be dropped off. I just told myself I will stay in this lane I won't change lanes, I won't move I will drive straight nothing bad will happen. At that moment Rod broke into my thoughts and told me I would have to move two lanes over to the right. DANG! So, because I am from Washington and I have manners, I turn on my blinker and look over my shoulder to make sure I have room to move. I do so I start to go. I will be darned if some fool who is in the same lane behind me tries to go first and cuts me off almost clipping my bumper. I squeal but keep it together and being silently cursing the state and all its drivers again....So I merge over my two lanes and Rod is telling me that in Georgia "you just have to go, you have to do your thing because no one will wait for you" I ask him what about Southern hospitality and he says it is an urban legend. I agree...I drop him off at the mall and I am terrified I don't want to let him out of the car, I keep making excuses, asking questions...is there laundry in the machine, does he have snacks packed, is he SURE he wants to go. Eventually he leaves and I have to drive home again. I pray again....asking for more angels---some must have come off shift from other things since I got to the mall. I turn out and start driving again. I keep saying to myself, straight shot, no problem just drive home and you will be fine. Well, it starts to rain again, heavier this time. Big splotchy drops. I turn up my wipers and keep driving. As I am coming over a hill I see a man running across the middle of the road carrying a bag from a fast food restaurant trying desperately to keep it dry. I don't know if that looks dumber, or if I am more amazed that this seemingly normal person is "J" walking (I'm sorry, running) across a 6 lane street with cars flying back and forth on slippery wet pavement, I manage to avoid him and thank "Franklin" (I started naming my angels to take my mind off the driving stress) for being a buffer for the man. The rain starts to come harder, REALLY hard. SO hard that it seems like someone is spraying a hose at my windshield with their thumb over the nozzle of the hose. I am TERRIFIED! HOW can anyone drive in this?? Luckily I come to a red light. Rod calls to see if I am home yet and okay. I tell him NO! HOW am I going to drive in this? I cant see! This isn't rain! This is a flood! Make it stop! He laughs and calmly says turn your wipers up all the way and drive really slow. Okay so it made me feel a little better for him to tell me the obvious but part of me was thinking NO! Come get me! I am a damsel in distress! Distress I say! Save me! I am going to sit right here in my little Silver Saturn boat and float until you come and SAVE ME! But I got off the phone, and started off again REALLY slow. I couldn't see a THING--not even the car in front of me. I think I would have opted for pea soup fog. I have never seen such a thing and would like to not again but it sounds like I will. Dang Georgia! Luckily I come to my turn off pretty quick and head into the apartments. I thank "franklin, betty, lucille, oscar, and jorge" for all of their help and run splashing through the puddles to my door and into the house. THANK GOODNESS! Safe! Then I remember, I have to pick up Chanel at school.....DANG! I pick up my keys, stare out the door at the rain for a minute and off I go again.......................